((((((Earth)))))),
I have major issues dealing with my anger, too. I know that when I get angry at T that it is usually comes from somewhere in the distant past, but I'm still angry. I get angry at him for going away, for not understanding, for not protecting me from my emotions, and all kinds of things in which he can't be held accountable. My brain knows this but my emotions don't. Anger is a massive emotion that clouds all judgment, at least it does for me. I wish I had some advice to give you, but all I can say is that I'm going through the same thing right now. It's so hard to find an adaptive coping mechanism that actually works. I hope you stay safe and know that we're all here and rooting for you! Take care.