Thanks everyone for all the comments.
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chaotic13 said:
Emotional security... By this do you mean not only feeling that you matter to someone at a particular moment in time, but that you are able to retain that feeling over time?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That's not really what I meant, but I agree that is a great thing to have too. I tend to be able to hold onto good feelings over time. For me, I think emotional security means having the relationship be two-way as well as having the actual relationship come into concordance with my belief of how a relationship should be. I think that was a source of much confusion and emptiness in my marriage. I had this idea in my mind that a relationship should include two people doing X, Y, and Z (for example, loving each other, being interested in each other's lives, being supportive of each other, caring about each other, having sex with each other, being faithful to each other, etc.), and sadly, my marriage was deficient in all these areas, so there was always this deep inner dissonance that something was not right. I kept trying and thinking if I only did things "right" that he would respond and I would have a two-way relationship in harmony with my inner feelings about how relationships are. So I think when I was with T at our last session, and he told me I was one of his favorite people in the world, I suddenly felt like our relationship was reciprocal, that we each took away a lot of meaning from it, rather than just a T providing services to a client, like any other client. And this element of a relationship came into harmony with my inner idea of a relationship. And that just felt so great! Like, ahhhh, this is the way it is supposed to be, this is what harmony feels like. I will never do one of those one-way relationships like I had with my H again. I'm not sure I could ever be capable of such dissonance again.

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Do you think think this is part the attachment issue or disorder thing?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">chaotic, I'm not sure, as I don't have that particular issue, at least not much anyway. But other people here have mentioned difficulty holding onto good feelings over time, so maybe they will chime in and answer.