Hello!
Jinny
Im new here, but would like to say, embrace your feelings and know that it is ok for you to feel today, way to often when we suffer abuse, especially, as young children, we are taught to stuff feelings and what we are feeling is wrong.....it is a good thing that today you are feeling and knowing the feelings you have, and are able to get here and express that feeling! you are on the right road to recovering (if there is such a thing) from your abuse.
I have a child as well and the cycle has stopped here too, may I suggest you take an extria few minutes of your day and really look at your kiddos, when you do delight in their innocence that you protected, know that you are strong, know that you are good stuff, because you protected your kiddos It is really hard to make the decision to stop the cycle, then to actually do it, keep up the good work
Spud