(((darkpurplesecrets)))

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I send you a ton of virtual hugs, and support. You're not alone.

One thought I had reading your post -- "I'm trying to hard to be of a good cheer and nature..."

Maybe you don't need to always try to be in a good mood. Maybe it is ok to be sad or angry or lonely or scared.

I don't know your story, but since this was posted in 'Survivors of Abuse', that is enough. In my own journey, I have found that sometimes fighting the uncomfortable feelings by trying to be the 'happy, put-together person', just makes me feel worse. Slowly I've been working with T to just accept *all* my feelings -- the happy ones and the painful ones. I've noticed that once I stop trying to deny the painful feelings, they don't seem so overwhelming.

I don't know if this helps. If not, ignore what I said, and just accept a few hugs.