Gary, I have also suggested counceling to you. I guess I don't understand why you won't pursue it. I know it's not going to change your looks but it's going to help you to feel more accepting of them and btw, you are NOT ugly. I have to agree that your negativity is probably showing in your attitude and on your face, both of which are big turn-offs. That negativity is what therapy can help you change.

How do you account for all the people who are not attractive, yet have someone in their lives? Maybe they were/are more accepting of their appearance and have a better self-image/ self-esteem.

Looks are superficial. What's far more important is what's inside, what's in the person's heart. But right now you have negativity residing in your heart.

You need to get past that if you want to feel better about yourself and truly want to work towards being able to have someone special in your life. It's either that or accept yourself for the way you are now and accept that you will be alone.

I know I have a lot of negativity to work on getting rid of and I'm doing that in therapy (individual and group). I won't give up, although there are certainly days I want to. But if I give up, then that means accepting me for the way I am now and accepting that I will always be alone. Personally, for myself, I don't think there will ever be somebody in my life but at this point, I need to work on me first. If I don't fix me, then how can I make a relationship work. I don't want to grow old alone so I need to work hard on me cuz changes in me are not going to happen overnight. It's going to take years to undo my negative thinking that started in childhood due to the verbal and emotional abuse that goes as far back as I can remember. I was always told that I was never good enough, never did anything right, etc, etc, etc. But I'm not willing to accept that anymore or the depressive lifestyle that I have endured ever since.

Are you willing to help yourself to feel better about yourself or are you going to accept yourself the way you are? And I'm not talking about what's on the outside, I'm talking about what's on the inside. If you can fix what's on the inside, then you will become a more beautiful person on the inside and it will naturally flow through to the outside and people will notice that.

So Gary, it's a conscious decision you have to make about yourself

a) accept yourself and your life the way it is now
b) go to therapy and start working at changing the inside.

Which one will it be Gary? Even if you are alone the rest of your life, don't you want to like yourself more than you do today? Wouldn't that make you a happier person? I know it sure will for me. I'm not giving up and I hope you won't either.

C'mon Gary, make the right decision and pick 'b' and start on the road to recovery of self-acceptance, better self-esteem and more happiness. And you never know, all of that just might bring that person into your life that at this point you are longing for. Gary, I'm longing for someone too and I'm taking the necessary steps to try to make that happen. But even if I don't end up with someone in my life, at least I'll be a better person for having improved on my self-acceptance and self-esteem.

What have you got to lose? What is holding you back to start to feeling better about yourself? I don't get it. Give counceling a shot. At the very very least you'll like yourself more than you do today BUT even therapy won't work if you go into it with a very closed mind like you have now. Forget about your looks. You need to work on the inside and you need to have a totally open mind to do that. You'll have to work on things that are totally foreign to you, that are hard, but won't it be worth it in the end when you can accept you for you?

This is all said to you in love, I hope you receive it the same way.