I wish I could give you some wonderful sage advice but I have yet to learn to move past my issues...wait that isn't true.

I fell in love with my husband, moved in with him, married him and had his kids. Somewhere along the line I began to feel trapped and at times hated him and most deffinately didn't want to be near him. But that is different now, how did I do it? I have spent the last 3 years focusing on what I need and what I want. Nothing big or major just "I need quiet for a little while each day, if I can't get it at home then I leave the house and go for a run." "I need to speak about what I feel and when I feel ignored it is ok for me to say so" "I need to feel beautiful, that rests soley on me and my own appreciation of my body". The list goes on but mainly I have been "filling my well" so when it comes to being with my husband there is water in that well to draw on and I am happy to give of myself and not afraid to pull away when I need to. It makes loving a man a lot easier with you do not feel trapped by him and used by him. I think a lot of my problems, shyness, inferiority, self harm is due to the lack of self esteem. I am gaining more and more belief in my worthiness as a human being. I deserve more and it is ok for me to take more. This is not selfish it is self preservation. It is not materialism because what I take is time, time for myself to be myself so I can love myself. I still have a ways to go but I have already come a long way on building myself up. Now I need to go eat, I cooked salmon the other night, saved some for my hubby but he didn't eat it so I am going to snag it. You snooze you lose. he he.
Carrie


<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson