Hello everyone,

I'm a 25 year old female artist. I know this board is not a replacement for a proper diagnosis, but I was hoping you could help me see if my symptoms could fit ADHD. It sounds like it could be it, because I see a lot of symptoms that fit, but then some others really don't seem to.

Anyway, here's the deal:
I have a life-long history of chronic disorganization. It bugs a lot of my loved ones, but I just can't wrap my mind around it. I can explode a room in a few minutes and not even realize it. It takes all my energy to do mundane tasks. I won't make myself something that's much more complicated than a sandwich, because it just seems like too much effort.

I constantly misplace and forget things. There seems to be huge blank holes in my past because I really don't remember a lot of things. I have to get some things repeated many times before I remember them.

My mind is always chattering- and usually not about nice things(more like worries and obsessions). I obsess about weird things instead of concentrating on tasks I should be doing. I often tell my mind to just shut up (but that hasn't worked yet.) I get tons of ideas for stories and drawings and rarely finish them.

I'm going to bed later and later- right now it's around 2-3am. And it usually takes me an hour+ to fall asleep.

My moods are unstable. Small remarks and criticism sting more than I feel is warranted. Little annoyances and frustrations can have me collapse in puddle of tears. If I ever get actually harsh criticism, I start thinking I'm horrible person who deserves to die (I know it's crazy!). I still turn red from embarrassing incidents that happened 15 years ago. I have very little patience once I've decided I want something.
On the other hand, I've noticed on several occasions that if a true crisis arises, I seem to handle it very well.

Those could all be symptoms of ADHD, but I've got some others that don't seem to fit-

I'm not a bundle of energy. I feel run down most of the time. I've got a long history of depression. Except when I'm on a roll with my art- Then it seems like I can go on forever.

I'm always on time. I haven't missed a deadline yet.

I'm not very impulsive- I don't do well outside of my routine. I often feel uncomfortable doing new things until they become familiar. I often eat, watch and listen to the same things for weeks on end.

I'm not very lively in a conversation. I usually think way too hard about what to say, or I can't think of anything to say at all.

So what do you think? I've been to two psychologists in my teens, and neither of them mentioned that it could be ADHD.

This has been bothering me for some time. I thought it was just depression for a long while, but the counselling didn't help (3 years) and anti-depressants helped me function, but just barely. When I think back on it, I was like this long before I got depressed- I mean the disorganization and the worrying.

*sigh* if you've read through this long rambling post, thank you. It was good to get that off my chest.

It seems like I've wasted so many years being sad. A lot of my loved ones don't believe I have depression- or at least they think I could've overcome it if I had just tried hard enough. So I know that they'll say I'm just trying to find a new excuse for myself. And I guess I would like to be able to pin it on something...
But mostly, I would just like to be happy.

Many thanks.

Edit: Even though I'm a talented artist, my handwriting is terrible, even when I try to write well. It seems to be getting worse too. Can that be related?