Well, I went to therapy yesterday and explained all this to my t. She asked about Tonys upbringing and i told her a few things about his parents. So she gave me a few ideas.

I talked to Tony on the way home and he was so very understanding. I told him i want our marriage to work and i will not give up after 20 years. I told him i loved him, i told him what i felt was wrong. He is going to call his therapist and talk to him properly, because in the past he hasn't opened up ... so i know he wants us to work too ..... *tears* i feel so much better i told Tony i feel as though i dont know him, he is so closed up. He obviously wants to do something about this himself, so i think having a talk helped ...... just thought I'd add a positive note to this thread ..... ty everyone for helping me out here ..... hugs, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxo