I know how you feel. It's easier to stay then to go. You hate your life but leaving is such a big step. You need something BIG to happen to force the separation. It's easier to deal with all the crap then to fight it. At least that's how I feel.

I and my husband are more like roomates than a married couple. He does his thing and I do mine, we rarely ever do anything as husband and wife or as a family. Sometimes he's in such a bad state of mind I don't want the kids around him and I do everything I can to avoid him. I gave up on fighting it a couple years ago. I just let it go and try to stay away from him when he's like that. I just figure I am not meant to be "happy" (in a relationship).

As for being less of a man, just get that thought out of your head. You can't possibly be more of a man. It takes a big man (or person for that matter) to sacrifice themselves for their country. Plus any other man put in your situation would have left long ago. You are trying, a lot of people wouldn't have done that much. Everyone has their breaking point. I don't think I could deal with cheating, I don't know how you've dealt with it for this long.

Good luck with everything!

April