I am in a recovery program for Co-dependency right now at my church. I will not choose a sponsor any time soon. I haven't shared my diagnosis with anyone. I have learned in the past 13 years that it's wise to only share with "safe" people. ( I have an accountability partner who I share everything with but my DID stuff)

Yet I have gained so much by being in program. I have finally had the spiritual awakening they promise.

I could only be pushed into positions years ago because on MY codependency. I so wanted to look like a "nice" person that I often said yes to things I really didn't want to do. Was that their fault? No if I said yes to things and experienced burn-out, which I have many times, it was my own doing.

Right now I co-lead a mid-week step study and I knew I was ready for it, and I love it. All of my remaining alters are not co-dependent. But we live in harmony for the most part now and they see the benefit of my being in recovery. I used to have an alter, Judith, who seemed especially drawn to spiritual things but she integrated and I have experienced this spiritual awakening on my own.

It was isolation, loneliness and despair that led me back to a recovery program over a year and a half ago. I'm on disability and so I had way too much time on my hands. I'd been in and out of 12 step programs for 13 years. The reason it never fully worked for me was my refusal to let go of control. Too many trust issues. Too many false ideas about love and being loveable, etc. I finally got it this year!

People not understanding our diagnosis doesn't make them bad. The professionals can't even agree on it and some even refuse to accept it as a legitimate diagnosis. So how can we expect the uninformed lay people to get it? It's an unrealistic expectation, one I have let go of. Perhaps we DID folks need to stick together and support each other's growth and healing!

One last thing. Emotional and spiritual growth is a life-long process for eveyone not just us.

I am so sorry you were hurt by that ignorant sponsor. I can't imagine how painful it was to be treated that way by someone you thought you could trust. But there are folks out here who accept you fully and who do understand.

((((((all the pixies)))))

Judee