Hi Seeker, yes, the early years are the most formative! I agree with Sabby. My journey in seeking out healthy people was a step by step one. My first realization was that I deserved to be around good people. When I was a young teenager I didn't think that I was good enough to be around good people! Once I changed that thought it was on to the next obstacle that kept me from healthy people.

I think that the next obstacle was allowing others to get close to me. Unhealthy people won't allow you close either so you are a good match with them. Allowing others to get close to me was quite an undertaking but I did accomplish it. If this is true for you I would suggest that you pay very close attention to yourself in this area and you will be able to come up with some answers for yourself.

The final thing that I discovered was recognizing the unhealthy people. This is a challenge because like Sabby said it is just what we are used to and we have never thought about it before. One of the unhealthy behaviors of others that I had to learn to recognize was their self-centeredness. A skill that I had to learn in response to others disrespectfulness was to stand up for myself. I could always recognize disrespect but I never learned how to stand up for myself.

What do you mean exactly when you say that you cling to the emotional pain?