These are great responses! Thank you all!
I have often thought of this as an "addiction" as I wallowed in pain long after it was necessary.
Lenny, your response is most eloquent, and worthy of printing and posting on a wall in a frame!
This morning, in the early a.m., I actually had a landmark dream in which for the first time in such a dream, I overcame these feelings of aftermath of long painful recovery. I've never had such a dream before. The recurring dreams have all been left unresolved till now.
I woke feeling validation and optimism.
Thank you all!
LOve
Patty