Thanks everyone.

Just gets too much.
I fail as a person, I'm just a waste of time.
I fail as a father, Vlad is gone and I should have been there.
I fail as a boyfriend, she's stuck taking care of me.
I fail as a friend, I drag everyone down.

I'm supposed to be strong. I'm not supposed to by lying in bed, drenched in sweat, heart racing and unable to take deep breaths, with a bloody eye and infected arm, all swollen, needing a wheelchair to get around, in so much pain. I'm supposed to be strong. I'm meant to be strong.

And I'm not, I'm this waste of time, this lost cause. I hate to whine, I hate to be a downer, but I'm not meant to go to hospital. Dead or not, voices and memories of the past aren't just pushed aside.

And now I'm whining again, sorry I'm just %!@* and I shouldn't be taking up space here either, it's rude of me. I should have faded away a long time ago. I'm meant to be strong, I'm not meant to be taken care of. I shouldn't even be lying in bed, complaining. I should be getting on with my life and waiting this out without whining. I was probably stupid enough to get my eye infected somehow in the first place, I was stupid enough to hurt my arm and get that infected, if it spreads it's my fault. If someone spills a glass of juice on their own, they clean it up on their own. I bet I made myself sick on my own, so I have to deal with it alone- without help.

Rambling now. Just scared, weak, feeling exposed and really sorry to be a whining idiot Gonna make everyone completely sick of me with this whining. Sorry.