squid,

i am deeply sorry for your loss. i can't begin imagine what you are going through. now this may sound a bit corny, but it's the first thing i thought of when i read your post. i was watching Dr. Phil the other day and he was talking to a mother who had lost her daughter, her daughter had been murdered and she was having a difficult time dealing with it. dr. phil said something i found very interesting. he told her that she is focusing on the one moment of her daughters life in which she had been taken, instead of focusing on the 18 years that she shared with her while she was alive. i don't know if that is of any consolation, just thought i would share it with you. again my sincerest condolences to you and your family.