I think I kind of understand how you feel. I am feeling that way right now and really fighting it. Part of me knows if I go buy some alcohol and have a few drinks it will make it esier for me to SI and decrease the guilt at that very moment. However I will feel worse tomorrow.

After almost 29 weeks of being SI free I have learned to force myself to sit through the feelings until they are unbearable. I have been able to make it through the urges so far.

You are lucky to still have a T. If you are allowed to contact him then try sitting through the feelings until you can't any longer and then reach out to him for help. I learned that I could increase my time between the need to SI as I held out a bit longer each time. Not sure if that will help you but it has worked for me so far.

Best wishes.

insecuroty