Funny how many things this seems to touch on. Sure, we care about how we appear to others, and guilt and shame, and so we can view our "retreat" through that lens, and it's true to a point. But there is also a valid idea of energy conservation at play too. It takes energy to complain, and the complaining itself seems to lead to more pain not less. Silence then is a better choice energetically. You managed to convey the experience of the cycle to us in a balance of reality, exploration, honesty, on and on, you get the idea. Just trying to say you put it out there in a way we all got something out of, instead of a boat anchor of emotional dumpage. lol. I'll stop now.