well..... you are right to some extent and thank you for your reply.

as far as taking care of people and denying myself..... well...... in being a medic for the army and now a nurse for the army, i have learned to distance myself from things that i determine to get in the way of taking care of people..... and that sometimes even means myself.

as far as my family goes..... i haven't talked to my mother in years.... since i figured out quite a while ago i was doing everything for her.... and i needed to do it for myself. there was a HUGE forgiveness process in all of that... (and yes lots of self-referred counseling) and i even attempted to keep the lines of communication open (again for myself to know that i at least attempted to do the right thing) to no avail.

my father has been pretty much a repeat of the above...... i do talk to him but less frequently.......

i LOVE my job. i've always wanted to do this and it gives me great satisfaction (and at times some pretty crappy results) - but i take my pride from knowing that i am doing my work FIRST the right way, and SECONDLY from the satisfaction of my patients (which i can say at times is lacking - but its part of the job)

from the standpoint of being strictly a medical/surgical nurse i know next to NOTHING about mental health (stress reactions are a basic part of army health care - but thats fairly common knowledge) and a lot of this has been a STEEP learning curve for me. I had absolutely no idea about BPD when i got into this relationship.

Having a slightly religious background i understand and WANT to practice the concept of commitment regardless of others opinions - and i believe a part of the commitment process is being selfless in regards to anothers illness (for better or for worse, in sickness and in health).

its not her fault that she is the way she is - but i DO understand that there is a definate line as to where i need to pay attention to my own needs. that line has been making itself more obvious recently.

at this point in time i need an amount of closure as well as to know that the decision i am making is the right one for myself. time doesn't heal anything as i found out long ago, and right now i am stuck in assessing my options.

thanks to everyone