This is a tough one (but no more difficult than others in a sense) as it comes down to the views and opinions you have about yourself and how willing you are to stick to your guns.

self evaluation is a necessary part of life. we all do it. whether to improve a situation or gain a skill. others opinions and input are sometimes necessary (almost mandatory) in order for progression to happen.

one thing i have learned to do is this: REGARDLESS of the situation i will almost ALWAYS find someone i know who i would consider to be the Subject Matter Expert in the field of information i am seeking. if my wife isnt that person, then i don't pick her. if i know beyond the shadow of a doubt that her opinion is just that - i take it for what it is and move forward. sometimes this is pretty hard to do depending on how mentally prepared i am to accept her opinion (as it is important to me more often than not)

in treat others in the same fashion when necessary, but i one thing i DONT do is just blow them off if i dont value their opinion (which more often than not is the case). it was a hard skill for me to gain, and harder to keep consistant with.

1) How did you arrive at your conclusion?

well i came to this conclusion when i realized that my wife had very low opinions of pretty much everything about me (this is of course related to her illness)

2) How confident are you in your conclusion?

i would say about 90% - its hard to be on point with the changes in her mood. sometimes its her talking sometimes its the BPD. this gets me in trouble though as sometimes i jump to conclusions about the mood she is in and just wave it off as BPD.

3) How are you dealing with it?

i'll have to get back to you on this one. its a day to day thing. i can say though that i am drawing very close to making a permanent decision about things.

4) What has worked?

well.... my first way of dealing with it (walking on eggshells) basically drove me to frustration. i am a very assertive person by nature so this doesnt work out too well with a narcissistic personality around. my next tactic was to just confront the narcissism as happened and squash it as i was plain sick and tired of it. well...... that just made things pretty much worse - and then i came accross as the mean, accusing, monster of an as$ that she accused me to be. basically it was self-fullfilling as i came to realize.

5) What hasn't worked?

above.

6) Do you believe, there is a solution, other than divorce?

i don't know. it depends on whether each person is willing to work on a solution and admit their mistakes. time heals nothing. it depends on each person's resolve and if there is anything left to recover. as for myself i have very nearly reached my breaking point. i can't referee for my wife's behavior anymore than i can for my own. i also can't sit around and watch my own life wither away trying to 'fix' or mend a realtionship with her self-destructive behavior. if the person is willing to see their mistakes and make ACTUAL progress in contract-like fashion with a therpapist then i don't know how else it will work.

IMHO