when i take a drink i cant quit til im in detox. im the kind of alcoholic where if i drink its a mental & physical obsession & in a matter of a couple of weeks my body is so saturated i cant function. i will hide drinks sleep with them by my bed wake up with the shakes throw up & keep on drinking. they told me when i was 25 if i didnt quit i would most likely have cirrhosis of the liver by the time im 35. im 34 & have had relapses but i havent drank since march 2007. im currently watching someone a couple of years older than me drink himself to death. he has a wet brain. very sad & frustrating to watch. i pray for him. every time i had a relapse it was like picking up where i quit before & went downhill faster each time. i also started doing some really risky erratic behavior the last couple of times. it was like the manic phase mixed with alcohol made me a crazy person. situations where i shouldve been dead but God rescued me. living for Jesus & being obedient to our living God is the only true happiness found on this earth. not in a bottle crack pipe pills. although i am on meds--zoloft & klonopin & a family member manages my klonopins for me cuz i have abused those before also. i just hope i can help someone by sharing my not so good memories. or what i can remember. i think between the ages of 18 & 25 i was in a constant blackout.