((((((((((((( muffy )))))))))))))))))

One of the things I didn't do when I was living in the abusive life was to shrink away. I stood up to it...at every turn. In my mind, I believed that if I could do that, then I wasn't a victim. How wrong I was....how foolish I was to believe that.

I suppose in one way, standing up to the abuse taught me some strength. It may not have been taught/learned in the proper way, but some strength was better than none.

I think I'm beginning to realize also that no matter how much I've worked through the abuse, no matter how much I've grown and learned, forgiven myself and the sperm donor, the feelings of fear and dread will always be a part of me. Even though I have tried to suppress them, they are there waiting to show themselves..............................................................................

I'm sorry you had to suffer muffy....but at the same time, I'm grateful that you and others understand how I feel and what I'm going through. Thank you for reaching out and offering your care and understanding!


sabby