IG, i'm sorry you're feeling so down. you're so down that you feel like nothing will ever change. so, i ask you, what do you have to lose by seeking professional help? it won't hurt, and could possibly change your life...in a very good way.
i wish you could really hear us saying that you could benefit greatly from professional help. the time is now, IG. getting better can happen. the choice to get/do better is yours. i so hope you grasp it with both hands.
we're rooting on your doing well
kd