im really not in a good place at this moment-

i need to vent though:

***********Triggering********* dont read if you dont want to i just need to get it out today

Nothing i do or say or write is ever good enough, i always %#@&#! things up and ive done it my whole life - i was never aloud to laugh as a kid cuz i always laughed at the wrong time. nobody paid any attention to me as a kid i had to do things for myself i had to grow up and be an adult from an early age and take care of my siblings i had to do it or else. i went to my uncles for a weekend and myself and his daughter were in his bed with our nightgowns on and and he came in and kissed us and told his daughter to get in her own bed so she did- he got in bed with me and started touching me- he said he was loving on me- and to keep my mouth shut and not tell anyone it was our secret he touched me in places dirty places he hurt me i just laid there with his hand over my mouth as he did bad bad things to me, after he was done which seemed to last forever he got up and left i called my mom and told her i wanted to come home she said you need to stay with your uncle he really wants you and your cousin to spend some time together- i was crying on the inside i wanted my mom to come get me and she didnt and i hate her for it- she made me stay and he did it again the next night and i tried to get him off of me but he told me he was the adult and i was the child and i better listen to him or else. he hurt me bad i felt so dirty i never told anyone because he said i was bad and that i was being punished for not loving on him and everytime i saw him after that he would give me this look i still see it today and he did it a few times after that when my mom would say you are going to your uncles i would cry and she said you are going pack your things no if ands or butts- and i knew he was going to do it again as i got older i would bite him and try to hurt him but he would just hurt me worse- im sorry i wrote this but i have to get it out there i hope i didnt trigger you i need to get it out

I HATE MY MOM AND I HATE WHAT HE DID TO ME AND IM SO ANGRY AND I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO OR SAY .....i have more to say but i can not talk about it right now it hurts too much
im sorry if i triggered anyone