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whispers: A year and a half ago I lost my grandmother (she is of Indian decent. Apache ( Cherakowa tribe). The only human that I ever totally trusted.

I recall reading about your grandmother in your earlier story and the warmth with which you spoke of her. It was apparent she was someone who was very important to you.

I lost two of my surrogate children 3 weeks apart to cancer. (My dogs).

I've had dogs that I've loved too. I bawled my eyes out when they died.

I started having visits that I will not go into now. I started living in a dream state and had the constant feeling that there were multiple beings around me constantly and that I was feeling all of human emotions at their rawest. the same time I felt that I was evolving into something higher than I have ever known. I had the sense that I was caught between this world and another ancient all knowing spiritual world.

Here's another link for you, whispers: When the Dream Becomes Real: Mental Breakdown as Healing.

This one might also be useful to you: How to Produce an Acute Schizophrenic Break.

In addition, this excerpt may also be meaningful...

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What is Schizophrenia?

A good question, with no simple, short, or straightforward answer, since each sufferer is unique and schizophrenia is a complex phenomenon. In general, schizophrenia is an extremely introverted, psychospiritual mode of perception, or way of relating to the world; or state of consciousness involving (what I have called) 'extreme empathy'. This simultaneous blessing and curse is due to a fragile, fragmented, dead, or lost ego, or conscious personality structure. The normal, ego-enforced boundaries between the self and the world have broken down, such that schizophrenia sufferers - for better and worse - find themselves identifying with everything within their scope of perception. It is because of this ego loss, or 'dis-integration' that psychosis, shamanic initiation and mystical experience are so inextricably bound.

Source: Dr. Maureen Roberts: What is Schizophrenia?


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Clarissa Pinkola Estes, John Weir Perry, Marion Woodman and Maureen Roberts are all Jungian trained. I found the work of the Jungians to be most insighful for me in terms of interpreting, understanding, and moving through my own experience.

And now, I'll try to stop throwing links at you for a while -- I'm sure you have plenty enough to read and reflect upon at the moment.