Absolutely you have issues....anyone who was married for as long as you've been and dealing with some of the stuff you've had to deal with would have issues. I can totally see at this point why you would want to focus on just your home now.

I can see why the new guy asked these questions. Sounds like he is just trying to orient himself to the household dynamics... who is in the "system", who might be asserting an external influence on it, etc..

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It sounds like maybe there is a little jealousy there, or a desire for exclusivity, or possessiveness.

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Absolutely NOT, this would suggest that I care about this relationship and am actually attached to it on some level.

I guess at this point it is kind of a "she MY advocate, get your own T" position. But I don't think this was the issue way back when the rupture occurred. What aggravated me at the time was that I had initiated therapy to help our son. In my sessions the discussions were focused on parenting issues. When my H had his session he was so self-centered and focused the whole session on HIS needs and how I was not meeting them. He lead a full scale attack on me and brought issues into therapy that I would have NEVER brought to the table. He basically sat in the session and blamed all of his abuse on ME and what I was doing wrong.

What made things even worse is that my T, (maybe from a systems approach or maybe because she didn't really know my issues yet) made the recommendation that I try and meet his needs as a way of bring H on board and facilitate a change in his abusive behavior. This approach was effective in quieting the rage and reducing the abuse, but I paid a very high price. It is my experience that this systems approach can be very damaging and requires a lot more of the person most willing to change. The system martyr may not make it though the process in one piece.