I had a session last Saturday and my next session is this Sunday--

and I have not contacted T by email, or by phone, in this entire time.



The funniest part about this is that on Wednesday, I discovered my cell phone service had been shut off because I forgot to pay the bill. I was feeling a bit crazed on Wednesday so I did attempt to call T on his cell phone, but then just hung up. Then I decided I was in no rush to restore my cell phone service, lol. It's funny cause it's almost like removing a means of contact.

Of course it goes much deeper than that... I could have emailed him or called from a different phone, and asked him to call back on H's phone or something... but starting on Wednesday, he'll be away for a week, so maybe I'm preparing for that.

I kinda like having no cell phone service. It's like living in the Dark Ages, hahahaha... no one is bothering me cause they can't call!! Unfortunately, I will be restoring the service once I get home from work today cause I really do have to.

A bunch of things went wrong this week and I felt this strange sense of calm over me, as though I am going to lose it any moment, but for now, I am strangely calm. Part of this strange "calm," I think, has been my reluctance to contact T. I think it ties in with the cell phone being cut off-- as though I want to be totally isolated in this perceived "calm before a storm." I don't know. I DON'T KNOW. Ok. Back to work.