I think I know that "calm" you are talking about. Especially in conjunction with not contacting T. I wonder if you are sort of shutting down the emotional side of yourself in preparation for T's vacation? I've done that. It's easier to sort of shut down and close off than to feel that connection when they are about to be absent.

Is it the "right" thing to do? I don't know. Last time T went on vacation, I was doing the "shutting down" thing and decided to trust him and connect with him instead. It was very bittersweet - because I was feeling that connection, but he was not there. I felt happy and sad and loved and lonely all at the same time. I guess it was good practice for "gray" (as opposed to "black and white").

(((((((((((((((((((((((( pink )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I hope you have a good session.