(((DSVirginia82)))

I'm sorry you've been having a difficult time.

I have a few thoughts for you:

Stay away from him as much as you can for right now. Every time you let him back in, you are slowing down your healing process. It is like scratching at a scab -- give yourself the gift of some time to heal. Once you are healed, then you can decide if you want to see him again.

I would also encourage you to think about what you mean by 'love'. What does Love look like to you? How does Love make you feel?

Journaling can also be helpful. Its ok to be sad and depressed, but it is good to let it out. There can be something almost magical about putting your thoughts to a piece of paper.

One final thought -- list all of the crappy things that he has done to you. Notice how it makes you feel to think about them. Feel that anger, and use it to help keep yourself strong if he tries to come back into your life before you are ready.

IMHO, anger can be a great friend when dealing with a breakup.