Alright so today, I finally find out I just can’t do anger, nor negativity really. Both set me out of tune with reality. I finally felt my self-leave over and over again for two days, and each time was because of anger, anyone else find this is your Totally Major Trigger??
I was in a fight, sort of with a store lady, she said a lot of mean things but I only could hold on to a very few words or sentences. When it was my time to repeat what she said to make a point, I couldn’t do it, and used the old; YOU know what you said to cover my not knowing. I wish I could have had a solid standing in the fight but I just wasn’t all there. I felt myself come in and go out, I feel like I’m mostly stuck in the middle of two moods and there’s nothing I can do. I try to make sense of it, I know I have to try BUT nothing Makes sense so what am I to do?? I always wondered why my husband and I would fight and I only could remember a few spots, I’d see his face change all skinny like, my body too, and poof I was out of there until I heard a swear, it caught my attention I guess and sometimes I’d feel like me again, or just stuck. For so long I thought why can’t I just stand up for myself or stop being so upset, or remember ^&*(-it, or what is wrong with me? Now I SO KNOW THIS IS IT!! And that is a really big thing for me cause I have a hard time figuring out anything for sure, needless to say I always Fight with Myself!