I am sorry that you are going through this pain. Here's my two-cents:

First, each of us must reach that place inside where we understand that we have nothing to give another person until we can respect, nurture and be our own best friend. What do I have to give if I do not have my self?

Second, if you bf compromises your self respect and self-nurturing, you must choose you. Otherwise, you have no self from which to love him. You may be needy and want him, but that is not the same.

Third, as pointed out, you have to give up seeing him for a time and create a new life for yourself.

Fourth, you have to give the healing as much time as it takes. Be patient.

I hope you will consider seeing a therapist with whom to talk about your pain and start to heal.