I believe that we can be addicted to painful relationships, for a variety of reasons. Around age 40, I was in a stable relationship with a good, solid man. He was not, however, Mr. Excitement. I reflected back on earlier relationships and youthful marriage.

I noticed that I liked being with men who had a lot of women. If a man had a lot of other women and chose to spend time with me, it boosted my low self-esteem. If he said, I'll call next week, and didn't, it kept me perpetually off-balance and hopeful. And of course, this kind of now-you-see-me, now-you-don't inconsistency confirms the low self-esteem.

I needed unconditional love, and I am happy that I had a respite of 15 years. But, as it turns out, it was less unconditional than I thought. He merely hid all his resentments and left abruptly, but not before saying some hateful things that I never in my wildest imaginings would have thought he believed of me.

Yes, I was addicted to relationships that were bad for me. But, as it turned out, was the relationship that appeared "good" for me really better? Because trusting someone so much seems, only to find out that I didn't know the person at all, destroyed something in me that I'm not sure I will ever get back. Perhaps it is better to know up front that one is dating a back-door man, womanizer, user and liar.