More to add:

I think there is a considerable amount of counter-transference going on in my therapy -- and it is for the most part unrecognized. My therapist does things that remind me of my mother; that is, he does things that I think have the same origins and meanings as some of the things that my mother did -- and he does them without recognizing that he does them. One example is what seems to me to be over-praising me for some things that I do (like take risks sometimes with people and activities). I do not need to be praised, at least not the way he does it; I think his praise has more to do with his needs than mine. My mother used to give praise when we children did something that she wanted, not something that we wanted. And usually what she wanted us to do was fake, insincere, conforming.

Now you may say that that he should not be doing this. And I agree; he should not be doing it. But he is (I think). What should I do in this case? Should I run away; should I lash out at him? Certainly that is what I feel like doing often. I do sometimes express my unhappiness at this, and try to tell him what I think is happening (something that would have been entirely unacceptable to my mother). But as is usual in cases like this, when the counter-transference is not recognized the person does not readily want to see that it is happening.

What I am doing so far is to try to work with what is rather than what I would like to have happen. I do learn from it; I begin to understand what happened when I was young and why I react to it the way I do now. Although he does do things in some same ways as my mother did (and out of similar motives, unless I am totally wrong, and I don't think I am), still he is is not my mother. This is a distinction that is quite hard for me to make, and it does cause me quite a bit of heartburn. I really do not like it and wish often there were something better. It feels as though I am being forced to confront things in a little-too-uncontrolled or unsafe a way than I am comfortable with. But it is happening, and I have to deal with it (or find other alternatives which may not be any better).