he actually would watch it with her i think... he has a degree of trust in me too, which is one reason why i feel anxious about it. Maybe he wouldn't.. i dont know. i'm not trying to over-inflate my belief in his trust in me, but i do know he trusts me quite a bit... enough to expect that i would either not give him something risque or to warn him. Crap. i have given him stuff for her actually and i don't think he screens it before he gives it to her. i don't have any venom in me... hell yeah, i will bite back, but not first. i bake him cookies for god's sake... which his wife often steals

i suppose he knows that though.. that i adore him, and i have a tremendous amount of respect for him and even more for her and boundaries and all. i have gotten things wrong, but never deliberately pushed a boundary. Yeah.. he knows this. i just hate even thinking he'd be shocked. Crap.

maybe this is one of those things... a trust issue for me... maybe. i mean, the worst wuold be that "talk" and after my message i dont think he'd even do that... he'd just tell me that i was right and it was inappropriate. But that would cause me so much pain... i'd be so upset. i AM upset. But, i now wonder just why... and i think maybe it comes back to attachment/trust/abandonment. Would he really think badly of me for this? No.. he wouldn't... he likes me and he cares about me. He has bent over backwards for me, many, many times... especially recently. He always looks so happy to see me.. spends extra time with me... he and i laugh a lot.

maybe this is generalized anxiety... we started past work and i am feeling pretty bad.

idk.. crap crap CRAP.. i suck.