Just first off thanks to everyone who supports me and reads everything and helps me when I'm in a bad place. You guys all mean so much to me. Just had to say that.

And second off I want to apologize if I've been unhelpful, ungrateful and offended people, I'm worried I have so just want to apologize. I know I kinda can complain a bit sometimes but I really do read what people reply and take advice to heart. Don't think I'm like a wall that just ignores everything it's told, I'm stubborn but I do pay attention to all the great words and advice everyone gives and think about it.

To make a long story short in hospital for my infection It's not that bad and they make me take stuff for it, not hooked up to machines anymore like I was yesterday. Hate hate hate hate hospitals and doctors, scares me so much, especially because I'm given sleepy pills here that I don't like. I just figure if I cooperate, the sooner they let me out. They give me a laptop to use and I can watch TV sometimes and it's not like I've been in long now. Kate comes and sees me and I hope I can go home soon because I'm really scared here

Mad at myself also because I hurt my eye worse before I went to hospital and now it's messed up and I'm scared it's never gonna get better It has to get better because I can't have something else wrong with me. Hopefully they'll let me out in a day or two so I can just take the anti-infection (anti-biotics) stuff at home but they need to just make sure I'll be okay.

Just hate being here. Scared all the time and uneasy and other stuff I won't get into because I'm not looking to trigger anyone. I feel so weak, so stupid, and I hate feeling weak. Really, really hate it.