Hon this is a difficult one .... on one hand i can see where you are coming from, on the other your sister is excited about going to college .... i dont know too many of your details ... if you are sick it's not your fault, therefore you shouldn't feel so bad about not doing college .... if you are planning on going to college when you are better, what does it matter that your sister graduates first? It's not a race, are your parents and sister understanding about all this? Maybe you could explain that it upsets you and they could discuss it when you are not around? Or maybe you could encourage your sister, tell her how proud you are of her and that someday you will graduate too? Sorry if I'm out of order, just trying to read between the lines .... If you're struggling and too poorly to study right now please dont beat yourself up, it will only add to stress and feeling crappy, best wishes, jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxo