I'm not in therapy--I don't care about therapy--I can't think of anything interesting to say about therapy.

That's what it feels like. With T on vacation, I can't help myself. Somehow I put him away somewhere--on the shelf in the attic, wherever. But I am having a hard time "feeling" him. This is my perennial dilemma. Intellectually I know he is my therapist but emotionally this freaking wall grows and I"m like, "what T?" I feel as though when he gets back I don't have to go back to therapy anymore--as if last week was our last session.
Today I saw some old and dear friends who I worked with many years ago. Don't know if this has something to do with how I feel about T. It's as if I can go back but not forward? I'm having a hard time getting a handle on my feelings but this is what I meant about re-inventing myself.

Dang.