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allabout said:
I've read in many posts here, and I've been told it myself, "anybody else in your situation would have left a long time ago." What do you do with that information?

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I've gotten that same comment quite a few times in my own situation. Our family doctor even said it to me, point blank, out of nowhere. But what does it mean? Does it mean you're a saint for staying and trying to make things work, or an idiot for staying because it's a hopeless situation?

The same questions ran through my mind the first few times it was said to me, but I finally realized something: it's a meaningless platitude said by people who don't - and can't - truly understand what's going on but feel they need to say something to you. Maybe people say it in a misguided but well-meaning attempt to try to make you feel better, the same way that people will say clumsily inappropriate things to a widow at a funeral.

So do what a widow would do - just nod politely, change the subject and mentally dismiss it. The situation you're in - the feelings, struggles, obstacles, the personalities and histories involved, and so on - are unique to you and can't be superficially compared to anyone else in a single offhand statement.

Only you can decide for yourself, taking everything into consideration, where to draw the line.

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allabout said:
How strong is it to stay in a situation when you've been lied to and cheated on and you end up feeling like maybe it was something you did. maybe it's something that you're doing that has caused the problems?

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Infidelity and dishonesty are choices. I have no way to know how the situation between yourself and your husband came to be the way it is, but how he reacts to that situation is entirely of his choosing. You may be responsible for some of the situation, but you are not responsible for his choices. Please don't bring yourself lower by telling yourself that you are.