My T has said that I am not good at setting boundaries for people. I see this and am trying to understand how to set boundaries and how to improve my ability to do so.

If someone crosses your boundaries and you tell them not to, and they still do it, what should you do? That's the piece that I am missing. I have many instances of trying to set boundaries in my life but people just ignore them. I don't know what to say or do to get them to respect my boundaries. So I just give up and don't try to set boundaries.

Recently, my T said I set a boundary with him in therapy, and he complied, and he congratulated me on this. Well, that's great, but when I set the boundary, he respected it. He responded well! But it has not been my experience in life that people will listen to me and respect my boundaries. My world has not been filled with people like my T.

I think my approach has just been to give up when people won't respect my boundaries and then be in these miserable relationships in which people walk all over me. I take responsibility for this. I don't know how to get them to comply. I need to learn.

My big success recently is that after 20 years of marriage I'm getting a divorce. This is the ultimate boundary setting, to abandon someone who won't respect your boundaries. However, I would like to learn things I can do that are not so drastic. How can I enforce my boundaries without walking away from a relationship? I am thinking here not just of future romantic relationships, but current relationships with other family members, friends, etc.

All advice is appreciated! Please don't hesitate to say something that may seem really obvious to you, because it may not be obvious to me at all. I feel like I'm in pre-school when it comes to the subject of boundaries.