You're so right! When I set a bondary with T, he gets very excited and says how pleased he is. It doesn;t work that way in real life! But T is my practice.

I think the hard part is realizing we can't force people to comply with out boundaries, we can just set consequences we can live with. That doesn't mean having to walk away from every relationship, but I think it does mean changing relationships.

For example, I have a friend who often criticizes the way I do my job. I am working up the nerve to say, "When you say X, it hurts my feelings because I feel like you don't think I'm good at my job." The harder part for me is saying what I need and what I will do if I don't get it. "Please stop saying I am X. If you can't, then I'm not going to discuss work with you any more." I worry that my friend will walk away from our relationship. Sometimes setting boundaries ends in what feels like disaster.