((((((((Zelev))))))))))))))))

Are you in any sort of counselling? This sounds like the sort of thing that would be really useful to discuss and work through. There are also workshops (some places) on social confidence and whatnot that might be useful.

As for books, myself I haven't read any of these but there were a couple when I did a search online:
- Adult Bullying by Peter Randall
- Bullying in Adulthood: Assessing the Bullies and their Victims by Peter Randall