Thanks, I am learning a lot already.

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skeksi said:
I think the hard part is realizing we can't force people to comply with out boundaries, we can just set consequences we can live with.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think I'm having a hard time deciding what I can live with. Am I willing to give up on the relationship just for the sake of my boundaries, or is it worth it to let them walk all over you just so you can have them in your life? And what if this is your child and you can't abandon them? Do you just shut them up in one room and go into another, fix them meals, and call it a day? It's really hurtful to me to live like that and I don't understand why anyone would want that. I frequently feel bewildered.

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"When you say X, it hurts my feelings

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I've tried that approach with several people throughout my life, and the response is "I don't care if I'm hurting your feelings." How do I respond to that? I think that the "hurting your feelings" statement can make people feel you are trying to get sympathy or something (ahh, poor little sunny, her feelings are all hurt) and that brings out the bully in people (at least the people I've tried that with). It seems to make them want to treat you even worse and be disgusted by your weakness and vulnerability. You lose all respect by saying your feelings are hurt. By saying my feelings are hurt, I'm not trying to get sympathy or be a wuss, I just want not so much hurt in my life and to be treated respectfully. Skeksi, I hope this approach works with your co-worker. I think some people respond very well to it.

Mouse, I think from your post that I have to be firmer in the consequences. Basically, I have to be willing to say, if you won't respect my boundaries, I will not have a relationship with you. I don't know of any other "lesser" consequences that I haven't tried already. You sound so strong, Mouse, and so successful at boundary setting. I will try to do what you suggest, but don't have much hope. Maybe I need some ideas for what "lesser consequences" would be. Mouse, it sounds like one consequence you use successfully is not to talk to a person if they won't comply with your boundary. Any other ideas?

Christina, thanks for the link. I will check it out.