I found when I was studying "humiliation" with my T that you kind of have to figure out before saying/doing anything what the "consequences" will be; what the boundary is, why you have that boundary for that person or persons and what you expect from it?

A lot of boundary setting for me is telling people "where" I am with "I" statements that say what I like/don't like. If the people love me or care about me (adults), they're going to be paying attention? If they don't, then I don't want to be around them.

When I had a boss disrespect me in front of others, I was humiliated because what he said was true enough but what he criticized was a personal failing I was working on in therapy hard so it hurt for him to be making fun of me instead of going "slow" and trying to help. In addition, he was being critical when I was literally trying to help him! There was no "thank you" or indication that he was appreciative of my efforts. I went back to my office near to tears but the more I thought about how things truly were, I got angry! It was wonderful! And I started thinking about what I could do/say if he ever did it again and how to "solve" the problem the best I could.

I immediately decided to not try to help him! He could ask for my help if he wanted it but I would no longer volunteer, friendly helpful soul I am :-) but would try to steer clear of him. If he ever made fun of/humiliated me again, I decided on a little speech to the point with an ultimatum; he'd get the one angry warning and be told that if he ever did any such thing again (a third time), I would quit.

It sounds a little bit to me that people don't respect your boundaries sometimes because maybe you don't establish them forcefully enough? It can't be casual; usually boundaries are established becuase someone has stepped over one and we learn we don't like that? So at that time one needs to take a moment and figure out what to say/do and set up the boundary. If we just set up "arbitrary" boundaries with no references to another's behavior at the moment, it might look out of place or even bizarre?

I once got a PM here from someone I didn't know telling me to not reply to their posts anymore. I almost laughed because it made no sense to me as I had no clue who this person was even! I politely responded that I'd try to do that, it didn't hurt my feelings or make me feel as if I had done something wrong because. . . I didn't know them. I think if we arbitrarily, out of our little heads, set a boundary, a lot of people won't understand what's going on and maybe that's where some of your trouble lies? I had to work to remember this person's name and pay attention so I didn't accidentally respond to a post of theirs! But I don't think most people are going to do that. I think a lot of the time I know in my head what I'm thinking and it all makes sense but the people around me have no clue so I'll say something and it will be nonsensical. So when you set a boundary, make sure you are serious and everyone is on the same page and knows what's going on? If they're inattentive or cross the boundary, you can bring them up short with a, "Did you not understand what I said the other day about doing/saying X in my presence?". But if people keep crossing boundaries, you have to have your "action" plan consequences figured out.