Think I have pretty much ran through the whole cycle thing today at least twice. Then had a panic attack out of no where, and now I am having a great difficulty in even justifying my own existence. Being retrospective most of the day and looking at has happened, what is happening and the future, it is extremely hard to swallow.

There is a part of me that want's to just give up the fight, but another part that will not permit me to do so. But then again, guess it does not matter. I could just disappear and no one would be the wiser, and probably better off since they would not have to 'worry' or 'put up' with me.

I'm looking for the life ring, and none is being thrown to help....

apparently I can't get into that here either.. shrugs... story of my life