Great topic, and one I know I still struggle with.

Mouse said: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
think for me its not that I dont talk to the person its that I dont react to them

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IMHO, this is one of the most powerful things about boundaries. I can talk until I'm blue in the face explaining my boundaries to my partner, but that just seems to create defensiveness.

If instead, I just do not respond in the way he is accustomed to, it seems to just change his behavior.

I don't think of boundaries so much in terms of 'consequences', but in terms of 'response'.

Will an electric fence plead with you not climb it? No, it will just sit there silently doing what it does -- marking a line in the sand. If the other person chooses to climb it, they will be shocked. The fence does not care one way or another.

The part I struggle with most is not feeling guilty or emotionally engaging when I set a boundary.