How much of our experience with T is encoded in the tissue of our bodies from our childhood experiences?

I can't take this vacation crap at all. I have been trying like hell to stay grounded. I breathe, read his letter, etc. etc. Nothing lasts long enough. I feel like such a loser. I mean for god sakes I am a grown woman, married with children and a career and my freaking therapist goes on vacation and I am like a little lost girl whose mother is absent.

I feel so darned anxious with school starting and T away, as if without him I won't be ready for my first day...like I won't have what I need.

This morning I listened to his voice on some saved messages I have and it just made me cry. I feel like I am splintering into a thousand pieces--lots of noise, very little sleep.

I can read his note and listen to his voice all I want, but my heart does not know he is coming back. Is it time to begin again?