i just remembered that we did this thing in DBT group on boundaries. it was focused on 'making a request' since we all seemed to have trouble with that...

the thought was that you had a think about the request and your reasons for it and you figured out such things as:

- is it in the persons power to do it?
- is it something that is hard for the other person to do (how hard)?
- is it something that is likely to involve impinging on their boundaries (how much)?
- how important is it to me?

then... if it was something that was relatively easy for the person, and something that was really important to us, then the notion was that we could ask... but be less likely (more hesitant) to take 'no' for an answer. whereas if it was harder for the other and /or not so important to us then we should be more accepting of a 'no' answer. and... same goes for the requests that others have of us.

i guess the other part to it is figuring out how to deal with the 'no'. i guess friendships are SUPPOSED to suffer if one friend won't do something that is really important to the other when there is little cost involved for themself. you realize... that friend isn't really there for you. if people keep crossing your boundaries maybe it is because: 1) they aren't such good friends or... 2) maybe it is because they have never heard a uni-vocal 'no' from you before. people will push when they sense hesitancy or vacillation (nobody likes to hear 'no). i guess... i'd try and work on the latter before writing off the friendship... but then... depends how much the friendship means to you (and what it is that you do get out of it, i guess)