(((((((((((Monty))))))))))))))feeling freaked?

Oh gf, I remember going through days like that. I have about 7 years that I call "The Lost Years" because after 80 ECT's, my memory got wiped. But my SM (soul mate) who has stuck by
side from initial Dx in 1985 until now. He has told me stories that sound like what you're going through now. Damn scary! feeling like you're sliding back down into insanity.... I DO know what you're going through
and it's damn scary.

A quote I keep to my heart, written by fellow MPD/DID ers is: "I do not wish to commit death; but, oh how hard it is to commit life!"

Another you may be able to relate to: "Our condition allowed us to adapt to the most painful of lives; we have already "gone crazy"; We have already exploded into tiny pieces; We've been switching from alter to alter for years in order for what the world calls day-to-day survival"........Followed by "The sweetest words I ever heard were, "No, you're not crazy.....you're a walking miracle!!!"

Montygirl, can you keep a journal? Are you & your "others" aware enough of each other to keep a "running journal?" What I did (thank the maker) during those lost years was to keep a "communication log" Whenever any one did anything, they were required to write a note stating what they were thinking; or like in your case...what/where they were going and we kept little boxes in the margin with the "others" names; therefore, if we were losing time, we could consult the log/journal & check the box.....it's almost like punching in & out of a job..but at least there was a record of activities....even if someone said "I'm having a "blanket day" (hiding under the covers all day) at least the rest of us knew what happened during that time...... Am I making any sense? Are you capable of "communicating" between your alters in this way? It's just a suggestion. It's just something we did to keep from totally "losing it" when there were "air pockets" of "lost time" I would find myself under the covers shaking like a earthquake; BUT I could check the "journal" (ALWAYS KEPT IN THE SAME CENTRAL PLACE WITH PAGE OPEN TO LAST ENTRY!) to see if somebody else took some drugs or what ever...........

I'm sending big waves of "warm fuzzies" your way, girl...I hate to see you suffering and I feel helpless to help & that kills me. You are such a loving, giving, compassionate person(s) I've seen it in your postings over & over again.

Please, PM me if you need to, I can listen---I'm good at that!

I know you're scared, but remember you can always find a lot of loving people who care about you who are only a keystroke away!!!

Walk in peace, MontyGirl........you are loved..........

(((((((((((((((((((DayZee)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
("Laura")