I've been messing up so much here latley, I told myself that today I wasn't going to self injure, that is starting to look less and less likley, I'll be shocked if I do make it through the day si free.

I feel like crap and I know I shouldn't....I hate that my mom does %#@&#! like that to me. I tell her no and she makes me feel selfish.
My little cousin is in town and she is staying with us today, mom asked if I would go with her this morning to pick her up and I told her no, I was still in bed and work was really rough yesterday, I worked 10 hours and I haven't been sleeping well. My mom went off on me calling me self-centered and that all I do is think of myself, that I never do anything anymore unless it benifits me. She then slammed my door and left, I just layed there and cryed....I know I shouldn't feel this way....I just stood my ground, I was getting the rest I needed. But it's been like this since I was really little, I don't do something mom's way and all of a sudden I'm a selfish horrible person and I deserve to be yelled at. She has always guilted me into doing things, I have a horrible guilt complex and she works it to her benifit.......

I feel miserable, maybe my mom is right, I am selfish and horrible and a mess. I don't know I'm so confused, I deserve to hurt right??? I feel like I should punish myself......

It's like nothing I do is enough for her, nothing I do is enough for anyone IRL. I feel bad, horrible, my mom is right I'm selfish, I shouldn't be going to thearpy, I should just get over the car accident, I'm being dramatic, just like she taught me, stuff it all away don't cry don't express just hide it away until you blow up and have a nice little screaming fit over little things.....