I think to set good boundaries it is not only necessary to intellectually understanding that it is OK to have needs and wants, it is important to actually "get this" on an emotional level as well. I think for me setting some of these more personal boundaries is difficult because I frequently tell myself things like... "I don't really NEED that." or "I don't really care that I've just been called something or disrespected." or "I shouldn't need or want that person's approval, attention, connection anyway." or "I'll survive with or without that person's love or appreciation." or "I'm immuned to these insults because I'd cold, hard, incapable of caring." These statements are really good at quelling angry outbursts or suppressing outward responses. However, they ignore or deny the basic human need to feel important or valued by others.

When you don't respond and appear indifferent people just walk all over you. And you no matter how you rationalize it...or how good you are at hiding it from yourself and others... it likely affects you on some level.

I know this...but I still often refuse to react and deal with the issue.

Sunrise,
Can you imagine helping a friend set boundaries? What boundaries would you recommend to them? How would you advise your friend? If you saw a child verbally abuse your friend, how would you speak-up and defend her? Maybe if you made yourself a 3rd party, you could come up with some good boundaries and then responses or consequences. Then you could try and practice implementing them in your own home.