I could see how you would feel guilty if you were taught this. Keeping this a secret is not how you get better though. I wouldn't run through the streets telling everyone (and you are not!) but telling a therapist or discussing it here is so that you can get better and this is productive. Is this why therapy is stressing you out?

I can see a connection with you being taught to keep everything a secret (including your feelings) and why you SI now.

You say that everything is changing around you and you are staying the same. Are you sure that you aren't the one who is trying to change in your static environment and this is why you feel a bit shaken?