Hi Gottham, so Monday came and you got a feeling of doom? Can you problem solve this with your team, just like EM suggested?

You say that you feel weak and vulnerable reaching out for help. I remember feeling very vulnerable when I would tell anyone about my problems. It's okay, these people are going to help you.

Good luck on getting your test results back.....

I wish that I could just hand you some faith and hope that you can overcome this. Maybe look at each tiny step as a victory? You asked for help and are going to receive it. This is wonderful! If you didn't have anything to learn about yourself you wouldn't be in this position so please try to look at it as you have some stuff to learn about how you are going to recovery and heal yourself. I am assuming that you never learned while growing up how to deal with your feelings. Now you are going to learn how to do this.

About hiding it from your therapist, I have never SI so I don't have any experience but I would suggest that hiding things is not how you get better. Also, I would suggest not going into therapy full of shame. Take control of the situation and tell your therapist and the others that you slipped up but are trying to understand what you need to do to get better. From what I have heard about therapists and how they deal with SI incidents, I don't think that they are very helpful in their approach to it, but this is only my opinion. If you don't like how they respond could you tell them what you need or at least tell them when a response is not helpful?

You didn't screw up everything. If SI was so easy to get over there wouldn't be all these people on this board and on all the other boards all over the web.

You sound like a very nice person who deserves to get better! I'll support you in any way that I can....